It’s been a minute since I’ve posted anything on here, so I wanted to check in real quick re: what’s going on with my mental health right now (and how that affects what I’m doing, writing-wise for the time being).
Sound good? Hope so! Cuz here goes:
Recovery is cool (until you relapse)
So, I kind of quietly got sober in the beginning of June (again), which is still weird for me to talk about to be honest, but has overall been such a positive change in my life. I’m definitely planning on writing more about my experience with early sobriety pretty soon (stay tuned if that’s your kind of ish), but for right now, that’s pretty much it on the sobriety front!
Anyway, early sobriety (post-withdrawal, obviously) has meant a major decrease in depression symptoms for me. Better mood, sleep, energy, productivity, social life, confidence, pretty much everything.
Writing-wise, I was doing all the “right things,” too: writing every day, creating a (loose) content schedule, working on my social media presence, you know, all the big guys for bloggers. And I was having so much fun doing it, too.
Everything (writing and life stuff) felt exciting and challenging and fun and sustainable until about two weeks ago when my depression hit me hard, and, well, here we are, struggling to get words on the page, struggling to hit publish because nothing I write (or do) feels good enough, struggling to convince myself that anything is worth the effort or that things will get better.
So, what’s the point?
Secrets make you sick
I generally don’t like treating this blog like a diary. I always want my writing to be helpful and actionable. Like, if you have a mental health issue, you don’t need me to tell you it’s hard – you already know it’s hard. I don’t want my writing to be redundant. I want it to be useful.
But I agree with Demi that “secrets make you sick” (from her documentary Simply Complicated, but don’t ask me about it; I’ve only seen the first few minutes). So, I’m trying to move into a more honest place, in my personal life, as well as in my writing.
Do I want to be positive and optimistic about how much better things are going to get for me? Yes, obviously, I do.
Do I want to write (and actually publish) all those posts I half-scribbled in my phone? Yeah, for sure.
Am I nervous this won’t be good enough (and neither will be anything else I do)? Yes.
Do I feel guilty, like I’m letting everyone down? Absolutely, yes.
Is depression worse after experiencing the free trial version of recovery? Oh my God, 100% yes.
Trying is (probably) worth it, anyway
What I would tell someone else in my position is this: Do what you can. (So I will.)
Be patient and gentle with yourself, the way you would be with a child. (So I’ll try.)
Protect your mental health and prioritize your recovery. (So here I am, daily doubting my ability to make this work, but trying everything I can, anyway. Just in case.)
What does this all mean for my writing?
Well, for right now, I’m going to back off of my more time-intensive, research-heavy posts. When you’re a slow writer with a full-time job on the side, pieces of writing like my Girls Getting Well At Work posts can take two weeks a piece to research, write, and edit, and oh my God, I have like three or four more in the series.
I absolutely want to address that topic as thoroughly as I can because I think it’s so important, so I’m going to get back on the Girls Getting Well At Work train once my mental health is in a better place.
So, without the weight of those Hulk-sized posts on my back, I’m excited to get more active on here again and address some other mental health and wellness topics.
Specifically, I’ve been working on a few posts about eating disorder recovery and prevention, including my relationship with working out post-ED, as well as how to help children develop a healthy relationship with food.
I love writing here and building my little platform for mental health awareness and recovery, so I’ll do my best to practice what I preach and make my writing a positive part of my own mental health recovery.
In the meantime, let me know in the comments if you have any ideas for mini-posts you’d like to see in the future, any questions you have, (or just say hey).
Thanks so much for reading!